


Pizza Dog Diaries

by canniballistics



Category: Hawkeye (Comics)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-20
Updated: 2014-12-20
Packaged: 2018-03-02 09:52:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2808200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canniballistics/pseuds/canniballistics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And there came a day, just like any other; when women laughed, men cried, and empires fell to ruins. And dogs ate pizza. So much pizza.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pizza Dog Diaries

**Author's Note:**

  * For [maastrictian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/maastrictian/gifts).



> For context and an idea of the voice I had in mind, I definitely recommend watching the [Sad Dog Diaries](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xw1C5T-fH2Y) first, in case you haven't already! I hope you get a laugh out of this. ;u; Happy Yuletide!

Dear Diary,

Today, one of my humans brought home a tree. It smells new, and I did not detect the scent of another on it. It is fresh, unmarked. Neither of them were pleased with me when I made to claim it as my own, however. I can only imagine that she brought it for my other human to mark instead. Perhaps marking some territory of his own will be good for him; others have come to visit, and though they have not marked properly, his scent is weaker than before. If he doesn't reestablish dominance soon, I fear the loss of his property and our home.

* * *

Dear Diary, 

My humans have decided to add baubles to the tree. They are doing their best, but I can smell the tree's impending death. It seems to be some sort of ceremony, one which requires the utmost precision; my Lady does not seem to like how my Lord is adorning each branch. It may be their way of making amends with the tree, or celebrating its' coming to stay with them in the last days of its life. In that case, it is a noble cause, one that I should like to participate in. Perhaps they will let me help.

* * *

Dear Diary,

I attempted to assist my humans in their tree's death ceremony. They were not pleased. I cannot fathom why, as it seems to be a long and tedious task. Perhaps it has something to do with the trinket that I ate. I did not know that it was an offering for the tree; clearly, they should have marked it as such. Still, it is my own fault. It looked much like one of the treats my Lady has taken to giving me, and though it did not taste the same, I relished it. Still, I regret my actions. My Lord did not seem too perturbed by the loss of the ornament, but my Lady was incredibly upset. I have now been evicted from my home, the door shut fast behind me. I know not whether I will ever be able to return, or if my situation is permanent. Still, I hope that they can find it in their hearts to forgive me.

* * *

Dear Diary,

I have begun to make my way through the halls in search of a new home. The woman with the litter has taken me in for the moment, and her eldest has given me an adornment. It will not stay atop my head, and so the pup has decided to instead tie something around my neck. I must admit that it makes me uncomfortable, but for the laughter it seems to bring the litter, I will endure this indignity. It seems to have paid off, in any case: their mother comes now bearing a plate from which wafts the most tantalizing scents. Perhaps this family would be willing to take me in, in light of my recent homelessness. It would be far different from the life I am used to, but I don't doubt my ability to adapt.

* * *

Dear Diary,

The kind woman and her litter have ejected me from the warmth of their home. I haven't the faintest as to why; this time, I was careful not to eat any of the offerings off of their tree. One of the children invited me to mark with him; we found a lonely-smelling ficus in the corner and made our impression with little hesitation. Soon after, they sent me away with a delicious meaty snack and quiet cooing noises. The youngest was devastated at my departure, but I will not stay where I am not wanted. They let me keep the token granted me by the eldest. It has grown on me as I've worn it; perhaps I will not be so quick to remove it as I thought. In any case, it will serve to remind me that no matter what my circumstances may be now, it is still an improvement from my humble beginnings with Bro.

* * *

Dear Diary,

A strange brood has stopped me in my journey to find a new residence. The pups are sweet and lavish me with ear scratches, and the mother is a beautiful woman who keeps giving me treats. They are kind, and seem to enjoy the favor I wear. The father, however, I cannot seem to make sense of. He speaks to me constantly and moves with the ease of the healthy, and yet I can smell the sickness and the death on him. I can only assume that he is hiding the truth from them, and will isolate himself from them when it is due time. It is a shame, especially when one considers how fond of each other they seem to be. 

I have seen this one in my former home, though usually he wears a disguise to obscure his face. Now, he and his each wear a furry animal upon their heads. I know not why they are here, but I must take my leave soon, else I fear my primal nature overtakes me and the creatures and I do battle. They seem tame now; though I would be happy to protect them from these perching creatures, I do not risk upsetting them by acting out of turn. Though the pups may weep, I make myself scarce now, in hopes that I find safer harbor elsewhere.

* * *

Dear Diary,

I have found myself on the roof with another of my former Lord's companions. He asks me questions, and though I do not understand the human's tongue, he seems to be content. However, it is unknown to me whether or not he has the means, much less the desire, to take me in. His customary food-preparing apparatus is not in use at the moment; I am unsure whether or not I have ever seen it in this state. It unsettles me, in all honesty. I hope he is all right. 

Nonetheless, he too has given me something to eat. At this point I am considering forgoing a new home and instead becoming a transient, sharing my time between all of the building's residents. They seem to welcome me, for whatever short period of time they allow, and I am not wanting of food. I will admit to getting somewhat thirsty, however; I suppose that is an obstacle I will deal with when opportunity allows. Until then, I am content in my lot.

Still, I admit that I do miss my humans. Perhaps they would not take unkindly to a visit from their wayward companion.

* * *

Dear Diary,

It would seem that fortune has turned in my favor; my humans have welcomed me back into my Lord's home. I do not know if this is temporary, as were my dalliances with other families in this building, but for now, I will take what comfort I can. There are a great many more people here, as well. The family from the landing with the docile head-pets, and the woman with her friendly litter. The nicely dressed man who smells like cars does not want me to kiss him; I cannot fathom why. I recognize the woman who moves much as Enemy Cat does; today her smile is kind instead of sharp, and she seems happy to see my Lord. She has pet my head and slipped me a treat before vanishing into the crowd. 

Two men, one of whom does not smell entirely human, stopped me as well. The strange-smelling one was reluctant; upon kissing his hand, I was able to find the source of his affliction. It makes strange sounds and does not feel like humans' typical furless skin. Still, he became more receptive to my greetings then, and even if it was odd, his hand gives wonderful scratches. This seems to have pleased his companion, at any rate. They have left me now, though both seem to be in better spirits. Whatever small part I may have played in it, I am glad for.

* * *

Dear Diary,

My humans missed me more than I thought they would. They have granted me a new bed to sleep on, as well as a large bone. It tastes as I imagine Heaven would. It pales only in comparison to the pizza my Lord gives me, and though she reprimands him for it, my Lady is discreet about slipping me the meat that usually adorns it. If only I could communicate with them properly, though; I would like to reassure them that they need not bribe me to stay like this. I know not what changed their mind, only that I am thankful it did. They are my humans, and I would gladly stay here as long as they will have me. 

Despite all its trials and tribulations, today has been a good day. I believe it is time to retire, as my humans' guests leave; the new bed they have given me calls, and I am all too happy to answer.

Good night, dear diary.

Good night.

**Author's Note:**

> I know Lucky is a lot smarter, but I got the idea for him eating Christmas ornaments from my own dog Chewie. And just in case, the folks he runs into in the story are as follows: 
> 
> 1\. Clint and Kate  
> 2\. Simone and her kids  
> 3\. Deadpool and his family (as seen in Hawkeye vs Deadpool)  
> 4\. Grills  
> 5\. Tony Stark  
> 6\. Natasha c:  
> 7\. Steve and Bucky c:


End file.
